I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
