I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
