I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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