Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
