I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
