If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
