WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
