I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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