You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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