mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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