shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Welp...herpes.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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