woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
