Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
