so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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