He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
