i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
