People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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