First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
