A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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