he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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