I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The Olympian is in my bed
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
