I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
