someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
