she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize