I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
