We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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