i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
