is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
