bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
