It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
