It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
