I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
