no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
