OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
