As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
