Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
