I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize