I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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