You're my little dorito
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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