A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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