So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
