Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
