You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
