Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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