apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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