Plan B is the new Plan A
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
