I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
