my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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