I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
