you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
