Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
God, I missed his penis.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
