I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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