I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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