You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
