Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize