It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Life is so much better after having sex.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
