he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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