I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Soap is not a condiment
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
