She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
