Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize