Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
