The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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