Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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