literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize