oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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