I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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