I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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